my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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