well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
