my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
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Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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