Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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