The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Are these your boobs on my camera?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
