im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
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he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
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Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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