i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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