I think my fart just growled at me.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
