he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize