dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Even my vagina gasped.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
