I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
