So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
