I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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