I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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