ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
