ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Rumble strips road head = magical
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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