Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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