and you said cock pushups were impossible
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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