six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
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She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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