i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
