My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
my poor anus
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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