Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
cat food counts as protein by the way
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
