belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
