Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
