do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
