I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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