with your own penis?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
