I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
