I wish I could teleport
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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