and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
