The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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