seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful