I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night