can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
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It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
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You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?