There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dating After Heartbreak
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!