My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life