I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby