I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
