out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
