I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize