Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Who died my cat blue again?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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