You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
