i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
