that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
