I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
