U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
