I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Randomize
