i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
