There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
