the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Is it because I queefed?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
