Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
im on a boat
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