Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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