Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
