i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
