woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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