forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
